Fatter Friends & Shiny Things

Stoke and the North Staffs area is officially and academically the friendliest place in the UK. According to the University of Sheffield research, just 22.4 per cent of the city's 240,000 population feel uninvolved in their community – compared with 33.1 per cent in Edinburgh, the loneliest place. The study, called Changing Britain, also took into account the number of non-married adults in an area and the  of one-person households. This is despite the invidious and divisive presence of the BNP

BBC video clip   Local newspaper article

Hey, its glad that we have come top in something. The last time Stoked topped was not something we would put on the posters.

BBC Article

Being the fattest and friendliest city, must make Stoke the best place to have girl pals. Every girl knows its good to have a friend fatter than yourself to boost your own relative image and to stand next to in photographs. As Stoke's officially chunkiest Transwoman (though I'm shrinking by the week) I am struggling to find someone to fill this role. All my friends are irritatingly more svelte than myself. Failing my plan A of actually losing the weight myself, I plan to secretly fatten them up by spiking their food with lard, and by leaving strategically place cakes around their homes.

Finally finished my Christmas shopping yesterday. I went into Hanley, which confusingly is the city centre of Stoke. The pic on the left is of the spikey mascot that is above what was once Lewis's Department Store. It was surprising how quiet the shops were just two Saturdays before Christmas, and it was noticeable how many shops had closed down.

Earlier in the week I payed a visit to the doomed Woolworth's, closing down sale, . People were queuing for bargains but it felt more like asset stripping. There was a melancholic air and no joy was to be had, as I think everyone realised the significance of such a high street stalwart's possible demise. This said, I had stopped any serious shopping in Woolies some time ago and some of our local branches appear not to have been refurbished since the mid 70s. It will be smaller towns that are most affected if it does close down. Whenever I'm in some small backwater rural town, there will be a branch on the high street where other national chains are absent. Even in our cities, where else will we be able to impulse buy Pick-and-Mix, fabric dye or kitchen gadgetry, among all the shiny, glossy, branded, designer boutiques that dominate our shopping centres.

I managed to complete my Christmas shopping despite myself. My first assault a couple of weeks ago resulted in the only item bought being an ipod Touch for my self. Like a childlike magpie I am so easily distracted by shiny things. Once I had started obsessing about buying one the compulsion was all encompassing and the only relief would be to dig deep and buy one. In some ways this compulsive behaviour mimics my dressing habits of a closeted youth. The instant gratification of shopping works really well. Perhaps it would be cheaper if I developed a Crack habit instead. I have totally fallen in love with my sleek glistening new toy, and most evening find me trawling iTunes to feed it. Actually its more like nesting than feeding. I am filling it with all manner of different music, video and applications. In addition to the normal ipod collection of far more music than I will ever listen to, I have a couple of Wallace and Grommet videos and a number of albums of stand up from lefty socialist Comedians and an unnecessarily large number of downloaded applications. amongst the eclectic collection I have amassed so far are :  The Complete Works of Shakespeare, Simulated Koi Carp pond, The Adventures of Sherlock  Holmes, a Dictionary,  Drum Kit and Piano emulators, a simulated pint of lager! (I don't even drink) and a strange Brian Eno designed musak/graphic effect thingy. Oh and of course a few variations on a Tetris theme.

During my last iTunes browsing session, my eye was taken (the left eye for accuracy) by a Star Trek Tricorder emulater (I really am that tragically geeky). The disclaimer on the web site finally proves Darwin to be wrong, in that as a species we are clearly de evolving at some rate.

DISCLAIMER

TR- 580 is a software that mimics a fictional device.

There is no real functionality behind this software.

Do not attempt to operate the software while driving or operating heavy machinery. 

Do not attempt to use your iphone or itouch as a medical device.

...and I had really hoped to use it as an emergency defibrilator! There may come a time that we will need to be told to breathe in and breathe out.... I decided not to buy the App