Womanising

Today is Thursday, so it must be Southport. Right now I’m tapping this out in the smallest hotel room in the Northern Hemisphere.

I am here to attend Unison’s Women’s Conference for the first time. No big deal in the scheme of things, I suppose. For me, things are never that easy. I was unsure about attending. Not because I thought I shouldn’t. As a woman member, I am absolutely entitled too. Its more about Me, Myself and My. My own perceptions of who I am. I do, self identify as woman. I do live as a woman. I walk, run, swim, sleep and breathe as a woman. But when push comes to a shovel, do I deeply feel as other women do?

Back on a Trans Community forum, buried away in the net, my blogging pal Penny posed the question “What gender do you think you are?” with an attached survey. There were some interesting replies, and it got me thinking (never a good idea). You see, I maintain that I am a woman, but don’t claim to always have been one. I squirm a bit when read the old chestnut “I was a woman trapped in a mans body”, although I do subscribe to the belief that I’m a gorgeous thin girl, trapped in a fat bird’s body (actually at least 3 thin girls!). You see, for me, I absolutely can’t say I feel and think as other women do, because I don’t know how other women feel and think. Just as I can’t know how any man, cat, dog, fish or mattress feels (although mattresses actually flollop (enough of the hitchhikers references already!!)). All I know, is that living as a woman right now, and eventually, NHS permitting, will have most of the right kit for a woman, just plain works for me. This peg has found her square hole.

Now back to my slight unease at attending Unison’s women’s conference. It was not because I thought there may be any flutterings of transphobia. Far from it. Everyone is really welcoming and I have already bumped into a dozen old friends. No, my slight reticence was the question that as I sat there, would I inwardly feel like an outsider? Would I sit listening to the motions on women’s, equality, empowerment and health matters, and somehow think that they just didn’t apply to me? Would I feel that my lack of a shared experience, growing and blossoming into womanhood, set me apart? Would I feel a stranger on home ground ? Thankfully, the answer was No on all accounts. From the moment I arrived, I belonged. The truth is, this public assertion of my woman-ness raised my self acceptance to its highest level yet. Am I glad I came ? Damn right I am !

All this soul searching aside, I still found time to take a few snaps on a cold, Thursday, Southport evening

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Oh, and what about my teeny, tiny windowless hotel room.