Quiz Night (12) Quizspotting

This post's title is in honour of this week's Inquisitor, Campanologist's John's, Scottish roots. Its time for another round of the highly addictive

Meakins Cricket Club Quiz

I was met with a bunch of complaints from, from various quizzers, apparently unhappy at the brevity (ie complete lack) of last weeks report. So here I am at midnight slaving away when I ought to be sleeping. All this pressure to write. I feel just like JK Rowling! This may also result in a bout of overwritten melodrama!

John's quizzes are always interesting and challenging (I prefer dull and easy quizzes). Two rounds were Trivia Trails, with each answer starting with the last letter of the preceding one. This is always a tricky round with the potential if you get one question wrong it throws you off all the others. We did well on these rounds getting 8/10 and 10/10 respectively. Other rounds included guessing the connection between 5 film actresses and finding the year connecting 10 answers. These year was 1959. They never seem to have years from the 3 non Blonde's lifetime's, with us being the youngest team (even with me). Whats wrong with the eighties and nineties! There was also a round where we had to name the 5 post war Democrat Presidents, and the last 5 league champions outside the current top 4 Premiership teams. We should have been able to relax, but Vicky and Debs were still driving each other mad over the answer to which zodiac sign comes between Libra and Leo? My thoughts that it was Romulus was sadly wrong.
The first half scores came in. The Muppets 36, The Campanologists 41, Three non Blondes 45 and Sixth Sense 50......Time to eat.....and present Vicky's Dad a birthday cake, and a woeful "Happy Birthday"

By the start of the second half we had completed our throwouts which involved multi choice questions, which each gave a letter to an anagrams of two famous people. Sounds complicated...and it is. We were confident we had them all correct, but suspected all our rivals did too. This would mean everything was riding on the second half arranged around a Bingo card. This is so complicated to explain in a post, but I will try. Each team has a different 5x5 bingo card with random numbers 1 to 25 (Duh! like a bingo card then). Anyway when the answers are read out in a random fashion the first team to get a line of 5 correct answers wins a bonus whole 5 points (count them!)...and..How many points were we behind the SixthSense...5! We were in with a chance if we could just get the line first.

Due to Johns efficiency each answer sheet had a carbon copy so as we marked the SixthSense's answers we could check off our own. As each answer was read out we were matching them blow for blow. Both teams pretty soon had 4 out of 5 in a line, needing only 1 more. Would we get it first, would SixthSense get it first. Who would get the glory. Both teams sat trying to look cool but anxiously glancing at each other. Which way would it fall. Tick tock, tick tock. Time slowed to a crawl as each answer was read out. Even the noisy cricketers at the bar fell silent. Then the cry went out "Line!".......It was the bloody Muppets! they had won the extra 5 points. Those should have been our extra 5 points, that would have put us level with the mighty Sensers. How could they.

Even the sharing out of Vicky's dad's Boob shaped birthday cake failed to lift our heavy hearts.

Choose Cake, Choose Defeat

Final Scores.

Muppets 76, Campanologists 83, ThreeNonBlondes 91, SixthSense 96

Pick of the Questions

+ Who starred in the first Talkie Picture, The Jazz Singer ?

+ On what TV quiz show in the 50s did Bobby Charlton win £1000 ?

+ What N word can be Ordinal or Cardinal ?

+ Which Capital was once called Salisbury ?

+ Who has been nominated for an Oscaar, Golden Globe, Grammy and Nobel Peace Prize ?

+ Starbuck's was named after a character in which book ?

+ What is a Pisciculturist's hobby ?

SixthSense 12 wins, ThreeNonBlondes 4 wins, Campanologists 2 wins, Muppets 0 wins

Becoming Jen (Part 16)

Crossing That Floor

 The time had finally come. October 2005. It would be T-Day the day of my Transition

I had now told so many work colleagues about my better side that it was no longer going to stay secret. I knew when I told one particular individual, that she couldn’t keep it secret, so I guess I brought it on myself. Vicky confirmed that there was now some gossip going around. I decided that rather then let people talk, which would inevitably lead to me being imagined as some weekend drag queen, I wanted  everyone to see the real me and judge for themselves. So I decided I needed to start working as Jenny. There was no real planning, and I can’t even fully recall the thought processes that I went through.. I was also now living apart from Caz, and staying with a couple of friends so I just decided the time was probably right. For someone who has always taken the path of least resistance in life, this decision was by far the most important one I would ever take. Transition at work would be the last most important piece of the puzzle. Once undertaken, I would then be Jenny absolutely full time, with no going back. In terms of this blog title I would have Crossed the Floor.

I have read the stories of other girl’s transition at work. They always seem to have properly planned ahead, with letters to Personnel (I hate the term HR, it just sounds Orwellian) and meeting after meeting to discuss all aspects. I had done none of this. I had shown my colleagues (including the director of Personnel, who I regard as a friend) pictures and hinted that one day I may work in my new gender, but that’s as far as it had gone.

T-Day minus 5

Transition was not going to be simple. Although I hadn’t planned properly I felt I needed to give my decision proper and thorough consideration. So I sat down, one evening, steadied myself with a stiff Chocolate Milk and did some thinking.

My job as a full time Union Officer is a unique role in the NHS. I am not conventionally  managed but at the same time answerable to our 3,000 members. I manage no one but I have to organise the branch and the reps. To transition in this role could not be done quietly or subtlety as I guess the job is fairly public. I have to deal with the local press. Make presentations and speak to groups of staff. I also have to represent individuals at very stressful points in their working lives. If I made someone feel uncomfortable then I could not do my job effectively. If I was dealing with a female member and they wanted and needed a female representative, do I legitimately insist that they accept me as a woman. The other big risk for me was that I have to be elected every year. If the membership did not feel comfortable with a transgendered woman leading their branch, they could vote me out, and there would be little I could do.

I was confident that in the workplace no one would overtly discriminate against my gender identity. It would be what was said when I wasn’t there. I knew that my employer and Union would support me, and I accepted that I was lucky to be working in such a liberal and Inclusive environment. I’m sure that if I had been a builder (unlikely with my DIY prowess) or even worked in a Pot Bank (Stokie for Pottery Manufacturer) it would have been so much harder or well nigh impossible. I knew that many other girls transitioning had not been able to stay with their employer long term. Either the employer or colleagues had forced them out of their job. I often read that it was easier to make a complete fresh start, with a new employer. That way you could cast off that old worn out male identity. It would be so difficult for everyone I come into contact with to disassociate me from the Xxxxx Harvey that they knew and loved (or tolerated more like).

Question fizzed through my mind Would I ever be totally accepted as a woman? Would I always be seen as Xxxxx in a skirt! Could I still be taken seriously, or would the sniggering gossip that was abound turn me into the biggest joke. Would my female colleagues see me as one of their own? Would my male colleagues ever see me as a woman ? Would I be viewed a genderless outside ?r

Phew, all these things whizzing round my head gave me a headache. When I had started this musing, I was fairly certain what I was going to do. The more I thought about it the more problems, barriers and hurdles I could see ahead. Every consideration seemed to suggest I was taking the most absurd risk of my life. I even started to question my Transgenderness.

Why me? Why do I need to do this? Why can’t I just get on with my life? After all  if my marriage had been solid and survived I would ever have had the courage have come out. Did that mean my drive to a new gender was not as strong as those other girls I have read about? Should I just stop now? Could I take everything back? Although I was not content I was able to sort of  function as a male at work. Is contentment really enough of a reason? Surely I should have been suicidal if I had to stay as a man. I just wasn’t, well not at that time (though these thought had been a times through my life). What about my family. I knew mum and dad would be shocked (and disappointed) that I would be living full time as a woman.

I needed something stronger so I supplemented the Chocolate Milk with my favourite gourmet snack of Barbeque Beef Hoola Hoop crisps with Galaxy Milk Chocolate, eaten together at the same time..

I managed to get a grip. I hadn’t come this far to give up now. Even if All these obstacles were piled together and doubled were not enough. I was a woman. From that first exhilarating moment I first stepped out in the daylight I knew it was right for me. Since then, at every opportunity of choice I had presented as a woman. This was no passing phase. In the cheesy camp words of Gloria Gaynor “I am what I am”. Who cares why? Logic was not going to help me. My decision was right. I needed to think about the Hows and not the Whys

And so to the How. I have read that other girls had taken some time off work with their colleagues prepared for the change when they got back. I didn’t see that working. Apart from the fact that my workload was crazy full, I didn’t have an easily defined bunch of work colleagues. I could be with new staff and members every day. There was no way to prepare them all. I decided for a touch of Shock and Awe approach( or depending how it was received Shock and Awful)

T-day minus 3

So one wet Friday in Early October I spent my day ringing around various departments of the NHS in North Staffordshire. I picked out those managers and colleagues I would be meeting with that next week. The phone calls were all fairly brief.

“Hi it’s Xxxxx Harvey from Unison. Just thought I would let you know that from Monday I will be coming to work as a woman and my name will be Jenny”.

In those few simple words my life changed. Some of my colleagues had been prepared for, but never expected it so soon. Others had no pre warning. I guess everyone was at the least wrong footed, while others felt hacked down from behind. To their credit, and my eternal gratitude, they were to a man and woman supportive and kind, although I suspect some were still concerned how they would react to me when they first met new me.

I ended that day feeling drained, excited, scared, resigned, elated, worried, numb and excited again. Whatever I had done, it was done. I spent the weekend trying desperately not to think about it. I failed.

T-Day

I got up so early on the Monday. I knew I had to get my appearance just right. Every woman is judged on appearance at work. A Trans woman doubly so. I knew everyone would be judging me even if they weren’t conscious they were doing so. If I made a hash of my appearance that first crucial impression would be tough to overcome. This would make the difference to see I would be regarded as a woman or a Transvestite.

I wanted to look feminine and appropriate. I could easily overdo the girliness that would not usually be seen at work. Too understated would not suit the tools I had to work with. It was no simple task to transform me from the shambling oaf that was my male appearance to a sophisticated (what!) working woman, so I needed plenty of time. I plumped (very plumped in my case), for a long black skirt, pink stripped blouse under a dark pink v neck sweater, and my trusty black zipped jacket, I applied my makeup with more care and subtlety than ever before, and made sure my wig, that was so necessary to make it all work was perfectly styled….and so, with no going back it was off to work.

Out of the 4 colleagues that inhabit (or clutter up) the office only Dave had not met Jen before. I burst into the office with declaring “I’ve done something different with my hair, can you tell”. As ice breaker jokes go it was very poor, but it was a  start. I had decided that I would try and use self deprecating humour as an approach to A) put people at ease and B). to blunt any potential unkind comments . This was the exact same way I used humour at school to counter bullying. I must admit I came to regret a little the over reliance of this tactic. It was useful at first, but after time it didn’t help with serious acceptance.

Anyway on that first day I was due to do a presentation to some visiting assessors from an NHS initiative called Improving Working Lives. There would be about 20 people in the meeting with most being my employers senior managers. I didn’t imagine the visitors would not be expecting a fledgling transitioned Trans woman and I worried they might be distracted from my presentation. So I decided to open with the ice breaker of my now legendary and poorNHS trans “joke”. In the NHS there has been a huge pay restructure called Agenda for Change (I guess you’re ahead of me) so I opened with. “Hi I’m Jenny Harvey of Unison and the Staffside Chair. And I wish someone had told me earlier that Agenda for Change didn’t mean I actually had to Change my Gender” Well It seemed to work and nervous laughter turned to genuine laughter, and everyone seemed at ease. I have discussed this approach with my Speech Therapist, who thinks I am wrong to draw attention to my gender in this manner and it is like I am trying to excuse and apologise for who I am. In reflection she is right, and I do make a conscious effort now to avoid this, though as a frustrated stand up it’s hard to drop a joke that works.

Well this was quite a baptism of fire for my first day. No settling in gently for me, but that was good to be honest, it meant I had no time for anxiety. The only hiccup on the day occurred at lunch. Ian our Branch Treasurer came into the office. Now Ian was the only branch officer I hadn’t told about my gender identity. I had just missed him out by accident. He really had no idea. So he stood chatting to a colleague unaware that the female figure in the corner was me. I walked over to Ian saying “Hi Ian, I am sorry I didn’t warn you” As he looked at me and then at hearing my voice, the phrase “The penny dropped” just doesn’t do justice. He visibly paled and swayed at the shock. The worry was, that Ian had not that long suffered a heart attack. I felt really bad, that I had surprised him like this. When he returned to his office, I phoned him to check he was ok, and we had a good chat. Ian has been a rock since and never once slipped up with my name or pronoun. I was just glad I hadn’t finished him off.

Well that was day one over. It had gone really well. I was absolutely exhausted through the stress and the concentration needed to present as female without lapsing in male mannerisms. So there you have it. I Crossed The Floor. I was now a member of the other party, and I was happy there.

For Humph - Bloggington Crescent

Last night, reading Penny Morris's blog, I heard the very sad news of the passing of Humphrey Lyttleton.
For those who didn't know, he was a Jazz musician, broadcaster and hilarious, bawdy, acerbic host of the legendary Radio 4 show "I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue"
In his honour I plan to kick off a Blogger Comment round of

Mornington Crescent

I propose we use original standard rules:
Considered by many to be the purest form of the game. The teams start at Aldgate East and moving sequentially and in order. Remember Rule 12 no longer applies, although 12a is still in force (Rule 12 no longer applies).

So I will kick off

Jenny Harvey - "I was considering opening with Rushton's Gambit, but in light of the sad news it is no time for reckless rule breaking. So as I'm up first it has to be"

Aldgate East

Gammo Speng...and the unreliable man

I have just taken out future ownership of a kitten, by the name of Gammo Speng. It all came about through the unreliability of men.

An evening round at Vicky's spent bemoaning the fact that all the decent looking guys in the world were about as reliable as a Paul Burrell court appearance. One guy in particula who Vicky was close to, had decided to suddenly disappear for 2 months only to resurface this week. We had thought he might have been a spy, or had some Hiro style space/time incident, to explain his disappearance, but no. Anyway the conversation soon gave way to a mix of vodka (diet coke on my part), disappointing take away kebabs, and cruising satellite radio stations looking for sad, soppy late night love songs, via seemingly endless religious broadcasts of various denominations and passions (check out Rainbow radio for some amazingly loud shouting).

At one point, for no particular reason I announced that I was thinking of getting a cat. Like some low rent Vegas magician, Vicky suddenly produced a kitten from nowhere (well the kitchen actually). I had no idea that one of the three transient cats that live in her house had given birth. Indeed Vix wasn't sure which was the mother. She now suspects that Carl the cat may actually be Carlotta the cat. Anyway to the title of this post. We needed to christen this cutest of kittens. Looking up at the telly the fantastic name Gammo Speng was plastered across. Apparently he is a Reggae DJ on Galaxy radio. Anyway the deal was sealed and fate had decreed that the kitten would be named Gammo Speng.

. Gammo Speng, meet Gammo Speng

Quiz Night (11) The Sixthsense Redemption

On Wednesday night it was yet another Muppet in change this week (I think they have started breeding!) Big Kevin was the quizmaster in another Captivating installment of The Meakins Cricket Club Quiz.......

......I have hit a snag.

I wrote this introduction straight away, with a view to completing my usual overwritten report later. Thing is, I have now lost my notes, and all I can remember apart from who won, was that we had some nice rolls to eat at break, and I learnt that James Cagney was once a Female Impersonator.

.....So until I find my notes. Sixth Sense won and everyone else didn't

That leaves 6th Sense on 10 wins, 3 non Blondes on 4 wins, Campanologists on 2 wins and The Muppets on 0 wins.

Normal Service will resume next week

Look Around The Eyes

I took this picture at work yesterday, apropos nothing really. Picture is ok I suppose. My big problem with photos is that I always end up looking cross eyed. I have always had one wonky eye (I was cruelly nicknamed Clarence at school, after the lion). I think it is less obvious in real life, than it is exaggerated by photography. This pic was no exception so I had a go at photoshopping my way out of this affliction! The original looked like the middle pic. After I messed around a bit I ended up with the pic on the right. Granted I am not gonna be an eye model (is there such a thing!), but it was an improvement. Anyway I have to learn to be relaxed about my pictures (not easy for a t-girl), as my employer's magazine/newsletter has just published an absolutely horrendous picture of me presenting an award. I clearly need to improve my image rights!

The pity is I couldn't do anything about my inane expression
Please note that no other pictures of me have been doctored!
(well up to now anyway)

CHESHIRE ChAT

Nearly everyone from Cheshire is transgendered! Well not quite.

Last night I ventured back into the dark mysteries of the Uk Angels chat room. Out of 8 people I chatted to 6 were from Cheshire. I have nothing against Cheshire, however Stokies always feel like the poor neighbours. Cheshire apparently has more millionaires than any other county. In Stoke we have the pots, they have the pots of money!
Anyway this Cheshire dominance of the chatroom freaked my brain a bit, so it was time for some half assed statistics!

By my reckoning (google) the population of Cheshire in 2003 was 678,700 out of a UK population of 60,000,000
Therefore the percentage of the UK population that live in Cheshire is 1.13 % give or take.
With normal distribution 1 in every 88 trans peeps should be from Cheshire.
If 6 out of 9 chatroomers (including me) were cheshirians, then if there were 88 chatters in the room, with the same ratio, 58 would be cheshirites. Therefore with my rapidly deteriorating mathematical logic. If you live in Cheshire you are nearly 60 times more likely to be Transgendered!
A conservative estimate is that 1 in every 100 men identifies in some way as transgendered.
So there are now approximately 200,000 transgendered people in Cheshire.

Guess its time I moved slightly North Westish, and I do like their cheese

Cheshire Cats - Happy to be Tranny

Becoming Jen (Part 15)

Party Politics

My life had passed a tipping point. After the success of my week in Glasgow, I was now firmly convinced I could, and would soon live and work full time as a woman. I was now dressing pretty much full time when not at work. I had also started to purchase clothes suitable for work. It seemed only a matter of time.

Mid way through the summer, I was invited to a house party. Gary is one of my closest colleagues and friends on the Staff side. He works for another Trade Union, and we jointly take the lead for the Staff side. He is more interestingly, a Podiatrist and does the feet for Port Vale FC! Anyway, he knew about my better side, though had not seen it yet. One day he asked if I wanted to come to a treasure hunt / barbeque party at his house. One of the main selling points was that an old work friend of ours, Lorna would be going. I was a bit nervous about going to such a social event where I would not know anyone, but in the knowledge that Lorna would be there I said yes. Another plus point was that Lorna is nearly as tall as me, so for once I wouldn’t feel like a giant.

The day came. It was a balmy summer Saturday in July. I got ready in my best summer party outfit (when I say best I mean only). I got to Gary’s house in a picturesque Staffordshire moorlands village. His house was a converted Chapel perched halfway up a steep hill. There were cars precariously parked all the way up the hill, so I figured quite a few guests had arrived. Steeling myself with a gulp I went in. Gary and his wife Hazel, met me at the door, and being laid back, showed no real reaction to my appearance. Gary's first words did made my heart sink. “Lorna can’t make it”. With no other ally and Gary busy entertaining everyone I was on my own! Then my heart sank a little deeper “By the way I haven’t mentioned to anyone about your Transgender thing?” So I was now deep into uncomfortable social event hell. I would have to engage strangers in conversation, while I imagined they would try and distance themselves from me while trying not to stare! Then just as my heart tried to gain some buoyancy it finally popped and sank to the depths of my stomach. “By the way its mainly married couples with their children.

So....I was the only single transgendered stranger in a party full of professional couples and kids who all knew each other. I had absolutely no training for such an event. My previous tactic for party survival, developed at Poly was to sit at the back in a dark corner and attempt to look dark, moody and interesting, possibly holding a cigarette of some description as an affectation of cool. In hindsight I looked sinister, miserable and boring, and as I didn’t smoke, stupid! So I was just going to have to mix it toe to toe, with Staffordshire’s chattering classes. I decided that if I could manage to look comfortable, then guests may start to feel more comfortable with the 6 foot 2 transsexual.

The party turned out to be great fun. Gary’s friends were all charming and I pretty soon relaxed. Every time I met a new guest we would mention how we knew Gary and Hazel. One lady asked me “Do you know Gary through work or his rock climbing?” looking at my athletic physique she added “Its work isn’t it”. That made us both laugh and a barrier broken. The only I awkward moment came later in the evening. Sitting in the lounge chatting to 3 other women, one of their boys, aged about 8 I guess, came bounding over with “Are you a boy or girl?” at full volume. Slightly aback all I could think of was “Today I’m a girl”. “Really kids have no social compass!” I opined. Luckily everyone laughed with me.

That was not the first time inquisitive kids had put me on the spot. I remember once in Tescos two 10 ish year old lads following me and then calling out “Is it a man or a woman?” So I turned tables and when not expecting approached them and said “It’s a bit rude, shouting. If you want to know something just ask, and I will talk to you” They were both stopped dead in their tracks, and to their credit apologised.

I had really enjoyed the do, and I thanked Gary and Hazel for inviting me. It was proof further that I could function well as Jen.

This is only the briefest of chapters, because next time…. Jenny goes live….T for Transition Day….It will be working girl time.

How Brains Read (or don't)

I raed smoeehwre taht as lnog as the frist and lsat ltetres of a wrod are in the cerorct pcalce tehn eevn if the ohter ltetres are meixd up tehn the wrod can be firaly esaliy cepormhedned.
Taht is of cursoe denpeadnt uopn my seliplng bneig bteetr tahn uasul.

Mnid you eevn if it is rabedale my Bolg dosne't alawys mkae any snsee.

If you hvae mdae it so far tehn I can raevel the fwololing facts.
+ Kedneny was kelild by aelnis foltiang aobve the gasrsy kolnl.
+ Lsot on TV mekas asolbuolety no snese.
+ Eums can be delday kelilrs
+ Svae the Trdae Uinoinst, svae the wrlod.

Quiz Night (10) Crispless in Stoke

Chris was in charge for this weeks artificially flavoured Meakins Cricket Club Quiz.

Our 3 opposing teams were all again at full strength. We were however without Debs through a dodgy tum. So it was just me and Vicky, who was still suffering from PTERD (Post Traumatic Emu Related Disorder), so I guess we were handicapped.

We were off. Chris's quiz consisted of categories of 5 questions each. It was an eclectic mix of very particular themes.

Food-T Shirts-Odd one out-Sport-Magic-Doctors-Geography-Banned-Beer-Tools-4 letter words-Clothing.

It takes some sort of genius to be expert in all these. Sadly not our sort of genius! Anyway for a change we didn't take scores at half time so after some sandwiches and chips (fries Brad) we plodded on. After the main 60 questions there was a tension filled gamble round. This was three questions that had slowly revealed detail. If you ran up and presented your answer (guess) earlier you got 10 points, going down to 5 and then 3. This proved a crucial round and our earlier guessing on the answer Bermuda bagged us 10 points.
The scores came in for the main part of the quiz. Muppets - 35, non Blondes - 38, Campos - 40 and SixthSense - 40.

Now to the throwouts. We were initially given 3 different one. Pics of famous people (and Abi Titmus), Proverbs to guess from initial letters (and we were without our resident wordsmith Debs), and best of all, Guessing the flavour of a variety of Crisp based snacks from pictures of the packets! We had found our strength. Vicky and me (well Vicky really) had an encyclopedic knowledge crisp flavours. (Who needs to know History and Geography? This was real general knowledge!)
Then the bottom fell out of our world! Chris decided that this part would not be included in the quiz main, but would be for a bottle of wine! Screw that! I would take the quiz points every time. We got 14 out of 20, nearly double that of everyone else and victory would have been ours!! But no, all we have is a promised bottle of wine which only Debs will drink anyway.

Anyway rant over. The final scores were in. It was going to be close.
Muppets - 49 points, Sixth Sense - 55 points, 2 Blonde Nuns - 60 points and ring out the bells! The Campanologists - 66 points

+ Which sport is raced over 1000 metres but timed over only 200 metres ?
+ What nationality was Harry Houdini ?
+ Which 2 South American countries are landlocked ?
+ Where other than the USA is Budweiser or Budvar brewed ?
+ Which is the only 4 letter film to win the Oscar for best picture ?
+ Which proverbs initials are ABITHISWTINB ?
+ What colour crisp packets are Walkers Prawn Cocktail crisps ?

Sixth Sense 9 wins, 3 non Blondes 4 wins, The Campanologists 2 wins, The Muppets 0 wins

Conference Over and Out

Wednesday

The last day of Conference is always more subdued. Definitely a case of After the Lord Mayor's Show, from the tension of the previous day. I did hear 2 disturbing things earlier though. First, apparently the fire alarm went off in the hotel at 6am, but I heard nothing in my room. That can only mean to me that the hotel is quite prepared to sacrifice the poor 1st floorers, while evacuating those with the more lofty social standing of the higher floors. Secondly Vicky phoned me the night before with a tale of near death at the hands of an Emu! The story went, that while visiting Knowsley Safari Park an Emu went eye to eye with her and actually touched her nose with its "fearsome" beak. While of course Vic is never melodramatic she did use the phrase "It could have taken my face off".
The very dangerous Emu - Avoid eye contact at all cost

Anyway the rest of the day failed to live up to such excitement. There was some important debate, but without any controversy. Even the government minister Ivan Lewis got away fairly unscathed. Unfortunately at a focus group I did end up with the mic and preceded my question with my very poor NHS Agenda for Change joke!

Looking back I had really enjoyed myself even with all my speech stress. It may sound cheesy but I do love my Union. I always meet interesting people from all over the country, and a few made a point of coming over to me, congratulating me on my maiden speech. They really are the most kind, passionate, diverse, inclusive, and friendly bunch of comrades you could ever find.

I had a bit of a tiff with the hotel reception on checking out. When I said I was from room 168, the receptionist looked at the computer and said "Mr Harvey?", I snapped back "I Don't think I look like a Mister!" I got a grudging apology explaining it was just an error.

Conference Day 2

Tuesday

Well I did it. I made my maiden speech to Health Conference. I managed it without falling over the rostrum, forgetting all my words or any other real disasters. Pictured below is the stage for my speech.

It was one of those rare conference days, that was full of tension and excitement. Often at Health Conference everyone is in agreement throughout. Motions are like Turkeys voting against Christmas! or I could imagine "Motion 1 - Conference believes cake is great" and we all vote Yes. However today we had an emergency debate on a three year pay offer. It was a passionate and highly charged debate, with some fantastic speeches. In the end it went to a card vote which was won by 12,000 votes out of nearly 500,000, which is about 2.5 %, in favour of balloting our membership. Anyway after all this excitement, it was the turn of the motion I was due to speak on. I prepared thoroughly by only finishing my speech at 4 am. videoing a run through on my digital camera, and then going to pieces at lunchtime, with me as usual perched in the loos trying desperately not to let tears spread my mascara all over my face.

Sitting in my room now I'm not totally sure what I was in such a tiz about. It wasn't the speaking to such a huge number of people, but I think it was about how would appear on the big screen and how my bloody voice would sound. I imagined that when I heard my voice boom over the mic that I would fall apart. It was the usual gender insecurity stuff! Thing is it went really well, and now I can't wait to speak again! My motion was about Violence and Aggression in the NHS (by the way we are against it!!). I tried to include a joke, but I guess violence just isn't funny. The devil in me wanted to say something outrageous, just to test if anyone was listening. I thought about suggesting that to combat the assaults, we start to arm our nurses! Thankfully sense got the better of me.

Anyway tomorrow is the last day and then back to reality. Whatever that is.

Health Conference Day 1

Monday

I am back in my absurdly tall hotel room after the first day of our conference at Manchester Central Hall. The conference hall was obviously once a railway station. Though thankfully it is no more, else our conference would probably end up as a replacement bus service!

Tomorrow I have my Maiden speech as a Maiden. I am pretty much dreading it. In my usual fashion I am dealing with this by stress by exhibiting displacement behaviour. That is, by doing anything but actually writing my speech, and hoping that if I ignore it, the whole thing will just go away. Although this problem solving method has never worked yet throughout my life, hope still springs eternal and maybe it just might work

Manchester Tarts

Sunday 16.45 pm

I have just arrived in Manchester for our conference. The hotel (The Palace Hotel, once an Insurance Company building) is massive and posher than the usual B&B s we are used to. The room is lovely, mind you I always end up spreading my belongings all over the place!

I am still recovering from last night. Me and Vicky actually went out on a Saturday night. We spent the night at a club called Pink. It was really small so should be called a Clubette! I even managed to get on down (or up) to the dancefloor! With my special blend of swaying and shuffling. Vicky managed to pull an apparently not gay, bus driver and even got asked out by the fabulous drag queen DJ. She is becoming more like Grace from Will & ..... by the day. She is definitely a hit with the Gay community! All I got was a proposition by a neighbour of mine, who seemed oblivious to my negative body language and my rude attempts at totally ignoring him! I didn't recognise him, but he knew which house number I lived at. Very worrying all round! Still it was a great night, with the campest cheesiest music and they even played The Fizz!!

Anyway better have a bath and get ready for tonight's meeting. As a Regional Delegate I am sure there is stuff I should be doing, but at the moment I have no idea what!....

10.30 pm

Just got back from our pre conference Regional meeting. These are usually relatively dull afairs for anyone who isn't a conference bore like me. However, tonights had a surreal air. For some unknown reason, instead of the usual venue of some faceless city hotel, we were in a casino. The first problem was that many of our delegates struggled to find the casino. So I found myself stood outside the casino, asking everyone passing if they were a Unison member. I think I managed to pull in a few more customers for the casino. I felt like a siren luring unwary punters to their doom on the rocks of the roulette tables!.. or something. The second hurdle was then to actually get past reception. Due to complicated gaming rules, anyone not on the delegates list, had to become a member. To do this apparently they had to show a driving license, give a swab for DNA testing, take an immigration citizenship test, pledge allegence to Alex Fergusson and sign away donation rights to at least 3 major organs. Still everyone got in, the meeting went ok and we all stuffed ourselves on a buffet subsidised by Manchesters finest gamblers.

Tomorrow is the 1st day proper of conference. I need to start thinking about my maiden conference speech, which is due for Tuesday afternoon. I am pretty nervous about the whole thing, so in my usual fashion I will bury my head in my pillow, hoping it will all go away.

Quiz Night (9) Muppet's Feast

Tonight It was turn of Muppet Norma to do the honours in this weeks Gluttonous Meakins Cricket Club Quiz
I was great to see John from the Campanologists back. We, on the otherhand were without Vicky, who had to work. It was clear we were going to have our work cut out, with all the other teams at full strength

The quiz started with a round which answers were names of flowers that were also names of people (I'm still not sure how it worked 3 hours later). One answer was Daphne Du Maurier! Who on earth has heard of a plant called Daphne! The next round was Words and Phrases which immediately filled us with dread. We completely failed to identify what Felucca, Hookah and Drupe are. A round on Numbers came next. Ok for us, but The Muppets managed to estimate the weight of a human brain to be 15lbs! Which means they must have really strong necks. We were aided in the science questions by Debs professional knowledge of the medical term for bed wetting. History questions finished off the first half and just about finished off our chances. Half time scores were read out : Muppetts 34, 3 non Blondes 35, Campanologists 38 and you guessed it, Sixth Sense 43.

So to the half time food. Due to a mix up, both Muppets and Campos provided the food so we had double rations, and we all feasted heartily.
With the heavy heart of impending defeat resting on our now bloated tummies we lurched into the second half. 20 hard core Pot Luck questions. We held our own, and finished with a flurry on the classic innuendo question of "Who invented the bra", with the so obvious and hilarious answer Otto Titzling (clearly pronounced Tit Sling). The 1st Throwout was another eclectic collection of famous people to identity, with Bill Gates next to Maude Flanders. The second throwout was the hardest yet. We had to match Grand National winners to their year. We managed 2 out of 15. Even the mighty Six Sensers struggled and got only 1 out of 15. We figured they could have got that many if they had put the same 1 answer for all 15!

The final scores were in. Tied for last place, or equal third or even better joint Bronze medal went to 3 non Blondes and The Muppets, both with 59 points. 2nd was the Campos with 62 and runaway winners were Sixth Sense with 72 points (just don't ask them to pick a Grand National winner for you.
Sixth Sense 9 wins, 3 non Blondes 4 wins, The Campanologists 1 win, The Muppets 0 wins (but really heavy brains)

Sample Questions from the night

+Which flower's name was the mistress of Edward VII ?

+How many individual coloured squares make ip a Rubik's Cube ?

+ Who was nicknamed the Little Corporal ?

+ What does the cry Eureka actually mean ?

+ Who first instigated the tradition of the relay of the Olympic torch ?

+ Which country was the first to give women the vote ?

Apologies that the ongoing quest to include a bad film title pun for the title of each quiz post has resulted in this the most obscure one yet. Triple points for the film reference from "Muppet's Feast"

Becoming Jen (Part 14)

Glasgow Calling

June 2005. I had a week long conference coming up in Glasgow. It was Unisons National Delegates Conference which must be one of the biggest in the country with 3000 delegates and visitors. I decided that because my colleagues within the branch now knew about my better side then it may be possible for me to be Jenny at the conference. I can’t imagine a more progressive and inclusive event than a Trade Union Conference. I also thought it might give me an indication of what it would be like to work as a woman. The problem was, that I was registered as Xxxxx Harvey and my photo ID was as such. I also wasn’t sure I wanted to totally commit to every day. I would be in a strange city (no more strange than stoke though!), and I needed a get out clause. I contacted the Conference Office and asked them if it was possible to have a 2 sided ID badge. On one side was Xxxxx Harvey, the other Jenny Harvey, with accompanying photographs (so long as I didn’t get the photos mixed up!). This would give me the option day to day in which version would attend. I did plan to be Jenny all week, but just needed an escape clause (always the worrier). This was the first time our conference office had ever had such a request, but could not see any problems. I would have to sort out my new duplex badge when I got there.

I then needed to talk to my colleagues at the West Midland Region. The next time I was down Birmingham way I did this. I used my tried, trusted and unsubtle method of shoving a picture of me as Jenny under their noses and saying, ‘this is the real me !’ They were naturally surprised, but were all really positive. It was then that I encountered the Toilet Question!

It was by far the most asked question when I first came out. Everyone is obsessed with loos. Now of course I never consider it an issue now, but back then it was. At that time I had only taken a couple of tentative steps into the mystical realm of the Ladies Loo. In general I would either use a garage disabled toilet or just hold it in. That didn’t seem right anymore. It felt like a failure on my part. When dressed I was, to me a woman and felt I should start using the correct toilet. I also knew there was no legal or any other reason why I shouldn’t. My first venture was Tescos of course. I did wait until it was quiet and hurried straight in and straight to the cubicle. As I sat there I heard some other women at the sinks and drying their hands. I waited to they were gone before I came out. I must admit I was impressed how clean and fragrant it was compared to the wee splattered gents! It did feel good to stand at the sink and touch up my makeup and fluff my wig into shape. It was another defiantly female experience. From that moment I have always used the Ladies when dressed as such, with no real problems other than the odd look. Oh of course I now have to queue, because there are never enough Ladies Cubicles!

Anyway, by the time I was talking to my region I had been a Ladies user (what!) for a few months. One of the Regional delegates to conference, after I had told her about me, came back over and asked which toilet I would be using at conference “Just in case anyone complained”. I of course answered snappily  “The Ladies” and then  left it at that. Thinking later that day I got more miffed. I must have been the only person attending that conference that had been asked such a question. What toilet could I use dressed and attending as a woman. I have never made an issue of it, but I guess this was slightly discriminatory and I didn’t expect that of my Union.

The day to go arrived. I was nervous as could be. Of my 3 fellow delegates only one had seen me as Jenny. I just hoped they would be comfortable with me. Of course they were and made me feel welcome, and never got my name wrong all week! The second nervous flashpoint could be the train journey. I hadn’t used the train as Jen. When seated I would be captive, and at the prey of the dressed Trans girl’s mortal enemies. Drunk blokes and over curious kids, for both of whom the train carriage is a captive hunting ground. Luckily for me there was neither, however we faced a bigger challenge. The train was absolutely packed. Not just normally packed but stuffed like 2 tins of sardines squashed into 1! On top of that all the sardines had luggage. I on top of that had luggage for 2! I immediately regretted my cautious inclusion of a second male packed suitcase for that just in case day! There were cases all over the place. The forlorn sign stating “Please do not leave luggage in the passageway” almost seemed to sigh in resignation. We managed the obstacle course, with plenty of “excuse me” s and “pardon me”s and eventually “Can You Just for gods sake, Move Over”s, and settled into our reserved seats, spending the whole journey staring at the case perched on my knees.

Anyway, we got there pretty much unscathed and hotel was really nice. That first evening was to be our Regional pre conference meeting, at a bigger and posher hotel. Another nerve-wracking event for me. I knew loads of people from the region, but only a handful knew about the new improved me, (now with extra sparkle). I was going to have to walk into a large hotel conference room with over 100 people. I hadn’t really considered this properly. I couldn’t bottle it now and go in male mode after taking all this trouble. I laid all my clothes out on the bed, and chose what I thought the most subtle and feminine summer evening outfit. Hanging my clothes in the wardrobe, gave me a warm feeling to see just girls clothes. My male stuff stayed firmly in its case. A long beige linen skirt, white sleeveless top, and brown strappy flat sandals. I decided upon a plan. We would get there early, get a good seat out of the way, and I could slowly introduce myself to everyone.

Of course me and plans go together like sausages and custard (mmmm come to think of it). It was my fault of course. I relied on my legendary sense of direction to find the hotel. This of course meant we got lost, had to jump in a taxi and were consequently 15 minutes late. I walked in to a quiet hushed room with only the regional secretary speaking. The only spare seats were at the front. I made my way through, what I thought was a wave of murmurs, sat down and stared straight ahead. Not daring to turn around to see 200 eyes staring back at me. When the meeting finished it was buffet time and the hush turned to hubbub. Of course when I looked around everyone was not paying me sole attention. My insecurities meant that I did become a little self absorbed and presumed that everyone would only be concerned with me and my change (am I any different now). To be honest I think they all had much more pressing concerns.

A few of my closer friends came over with big smiles and lashings of “Can’t believe its you”s. “Why didn’t you tell me”s and “You look really good”s. I must admit the rest of the evening went really well, especially as I like talking about myself and I had plenty of eager listeners. I also got loads of makeup advice and cemented some friendships further.

The next day was the first of conference proper. I put my best flat walking shoes on, with a denim knee length skirt and a black t shirt. We soon joined the marching throng of delegates, all with matching purple lanyards with hanging ID passes. I turned mine blank side out, as I only had the Xxxxx name badge at that time. At conference desk the next they had no trouble sorting me out with my unique one person double identity pass. I was officially Unison's first 2 name 2 gendered delegate!

Now my plan was to get through the conference as quietly as I could, without drawing too much attention. Of course it was sausage/custard time again! I had chosen my first conference as the one when Transgendered members were the main issue! Let me explain. Most Unions have dedicated Self Organised Groups (SOG). Unison had a L&G SOG (Lesbian & Gay). Now most of the other Unions had moved to LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender) Groups. However the year before this change had been defeated at our conference. I wont get into the why’s and wherefores, rights and wrongs of this, but suffice to say, it was disappointing. So this year, my first Jenny year, there was a concerted effort and campaign to bring about the change. Hence everywhere I looked there were delegates sporting T shirts with the slogan “YES to LGBT”. There was no way that I was going to get through the week unnoticed. So girding my loins (not sure exactly what that entails, but it sounds fun) I joined the campaign, and found myself featured in conference newsletters and joining in campaigning huddles. Everywhere I went at conference someone would come over and engage me in LGBT talk. I can’t protest, because despite all my natural tendencies, I really enjoyed the attention. This went on for the next 2 days, and to be honest I missed much of the conference debate, but have never been so involved.

When Thursday came it was rule change time. Rule changes are usually for the Union Geeks (that includes me). They need a 2 Thirds majority to get through. This was what we needed for the change to LGBT. After the last years failure, and all the campaigning we were confident, but nervous. It would send a very poor message to our Transgendered members if it failed. In the end it got through with an overwhelming majority, thanks in part to a couple of heart rending speeches from a couple of transitioned Transgendered members. I was impressed by their bravery standing and speaking on such personal issues to such a large gathering. There was a big party for the newly formed LGBT group, and despite all the urges I declined. Being a woman didn’t come naturally back then and the effort of concentration took its toll. I was exhausted.

The conference ended on the Friday. As we trundled through the lakes back south I felt satisfied and sad. I was delighted that I had got through the week totally as Jen. I now knew in my heart I could cope with the discipline and routine of getting ready as a woman every morning. I had also discovered I could go about my days with my head held high and not in the shadows. The sadness was that it was over, and next week I would be back to the tired drab old working me. I was dreading it. I could not sustain this double life for much longer.

Went, Went, Went Joseph

Me and Vicky went to see "Joseph and his Amazing Technicolour Dreamcoat" tonight at The Regent Theatre in Hanley. It was Vic's present for my 40th. The Regent is situated in an area signposted as Stoke-on-Trent's "Cultural Quarter". Describing areas as Quarters, I guess is supposed to invoke the spirit of Paris although I doubt anyone could confuse the 2 cities. Unless Paris has a "Slightly depressed, once industrial midlands city" Quarter. Paris may have the greatest art museums in the world, the most exciting architecture in Europe and romance in bucketfuls (not sure a bucket can be romantic). But our Oatcakes are definitely superior to any French Crepe, and we did once manufacture most of Europe's Urinals and toilets. Lets face it if you are desperate enough for a wee, what use is art and romance!

We had a fab night, and the show was even better than I had expected. It featured 3 of the finalists from Any Dream Will Do off the telly. I managed to curb my every urge to sing out loud throughout. This was mainly for Vicky's benefit as she rates my singing as screechy as a tortured cat and as flat as a steamrollered Oatcake. Well, I managed to hold off until at least the encore. The night was a good excuse to get dolled up, although that didn't appear to apply to the rest of the audience, so not only was I the tallest woman there but the most overdressed, so I didn't stand out at all!

Afterwards over a Chicken Dupiaza and Garlic Nan bread (salad if Slimming World are listening) we got onto the subject of my proposed middle name. Vic seemed less than impressed with my proposal of Jennifer Louise Harvey. She seems to favour, with no obvious hint of irony, a middle name of Rapunzel. I think the only fair way is to have a poll. I now have 2 names on the shortlist. Louise and Rapunzel. When I have few more more options, the Poll will be open! Answers on a comment please!

Really Really Small Print : With the precedent as set by Blue Peter's naming of their cat. Jenny Harvey reserves the right to ignore any poll result that will leave her with a ridiculous middle name!

Blue Sky Thinking

According to the Weather Forecast, we were supposed to be knee deep in the next ice age today, with snow drifts up to our waists. Disappointingly we just got a few flurries and mainly just these blue skies with fluffy clouds as seen from my parent's back garden

My day was enlivened by watching the sport of snuffing out the Olympic Torch. Protesting would make a good Olympic event, with competitors hurdling the police barriers, dodging the security cordon and while trailing a banner and carrying a fire extinguisher. I think Britain would stand a good chance of a medal, but I imagine France would win any protesting Gold medal hands down.

Joking aside (please!) it was important that the protests were made about the Chinese oppression of Tibet, and its human rights in general. I am always in awe of those who have the guts and drive to protest, when too often I just watch from the sidelines pontificating

Jennifer ? Harvey

I am so disorganised. Fact

Although I am now living full time as Jenny and everyone knows me as such, I am registered to vote as such, and have most of my bills addressed as such, I have still not officially changed my name by legally by deed poll. This is not for any reason other than my inability to deal with things in a timely manner. If the phrase "She who hesitates is lost" has any truth then I am more Lost than than Derby County FC's Premiership season! As usual I am rambling...Just thought of another adage "Brevity is the soul of wit". I am the soul of wit-tering!

Anyway I think that I need to sort my name change legally. Thing is I would like to include a middle name, but I didn't know what. I did toy with running a Name The Tranny competition in our Union's newsletter, but I guess on reflection this is an utterly stupid idea (not that, that would stop me). I was having this very conversation with my brother Bill. We were jokingly thinking about girls names that related to Stoke City FC. I suggested Denise, after Dennis Smith, our long serving defender of the 70's. Bill countered with Louise after Lou Macari, Stoke's much loved 2 time manager of the 90's. It suddenly struck a chord. From this random madness, Jennifer Louise Harvey emerged.
We both agreed it went together well. So that is it, I now have a middle name, as chosen by my brother.













Lou Macari considers his "Name The Tranny Competition" entry

Elected

Yesterday it was Unison's Regional Council AGM at Aston University in Birmingham. I was up for election as an Assistant Regional Conveynor in a shared role with Sue who piped me last time. There was another lady standing against the two of us. We won with 52,000 votes out of 75,000 odd votes to be cast (not that Im counting!). I was so chuffed. I won't bore you with what the role entails, suffice to say that it is one of the most important positions within a region with over 150, 000 members.

I am not good at pushing myself forward, and often need someone to give me a nudge. Its my inherant lack of confidence in how others see me. I know I can do a good job its just that I always have this nagging feeling of illegitemacy and that someone will come along shaking their head saying "not you". Anyway I feel proud to have been elected and I imagine I may be the first Transgendered member of Unison in such a role.

A Penny for Your Thoughts

I was listening to some Beatles music on my PC this afternoon. It got me thinking about my doomed attempt at academia while at Liverpool Polytechnic. I may not have left with much in the way of qualifications but I did leave with a little piece of the city in my heart.For the first year I lived in Student Halls just off the end of the famous Penny Lane. From my memories I thought I'd have a stab at a version from a late '80s confused, transgendered student's point of view.

Penny Lane Memories...

On Penny Lane, there was a student in a drunken haze.
He nicked a traffic cone, and kept it in his room
and he stayed in bed till almost noon
So he missed his class, lazy ass

Off Penny Lane there was a T-girl, in her favourite clothes
Was after dark 'cos she was scared of getting Read
and she hid her stash beneath her bed
So her wife don't find, 'cos she would mind

Penny Lane was in my ears and in my eyes
Now, beneath my blue suburban skies
I sit and recall back

Off Penny Lane there was a conman fleecing gullibles
He told them John and Paul once lived above his shop,
and he sold them stuff to rip them off
Got some extra pay, the eighties way

On Penny Lane there was a Jenny feeling insecure
She tried so hard to make some sense of all her pain
as she stood under the pouring rain
Made her feel more real, but didn't heal

Penny Lane is in my heart and in my mind
Now under my dark'ning evening skies
I wish I was back then .....

Birmingham Reflecting

I've had the pleasure of a trip down to Birmingham today for a meeting at Unison's regional office. The meeting went well, and mid afternoon i was battling my way back up the motorway. As usual the slower the traffic went the more my mind wandered. I've been a bit of a pain to be around the last week or so (only a week! cries everyone else). I'm not sure how much to attribute to the change in my hormone prescription and how much is just because I can be a miserable introspective, self absorbed (please but in at some point!), neurotic, whinging twonk (and that's on a better day!). To summarise I've just been struggling a bit. Anyhow I need to snap myself out of it. What I could really have done with is a spell in The Total Perspective Vortex (see Douglas Adam's "Life The Universe and Everything") to put me straight about my position in the cosmos. But, as this is a fictional machine dreamt up by a sadly now deceased author I don't think it will happen. Plus, it was probably ruined by Zaphod's ego (This all makes no sense at all if you haven't read the book)

Lacking this technology to sort my head out, I turned to my reliable mood lifter in a mixed CD i entitled "Bouncy" full of some of my happiest and cheesiest tunes. I set about mentally listing the things that were currently bothering me, then dispatching them 1 by 1 with some targeted logic.

1) I am going to be a regional delegate to our National Health Conference in Manchester. This will mean I have to stand up in front of 1,500 delegates to speak for 5 minutes. Now as a Trans Woman this is not the ideal way to blend in not be noticed. I would be nervous enough speaking for the first time at conference, but the thought of trying to get my message across while trying desperately to sound feminine fills me with another level of dread...Right Jen i thunk to myself. It is my responsibility and duty to do this. I will just have to bite the bullet. There is no point trying to hide, so I need to do a good job with the speech, and when the time comes hold my head up, and take my time and not waffle (will be a first!). Anyway if it starts to go badly I will just have to finish with a song!

2) My bloody house. I really need to get to grips with it. Caroline is coming over next week to start sorting the house out to get it on the market. We need to sell up to settle the divorce. With my feeling so down I tend to bury my head in the bedclothes rather than get on. I will also have to look into finding somewhere to rent... Right Jen I thunk again. I am sure I will be happier if I can settle down in my own flat. The house won't get sold by staring at my pillow. The physical effort of clearing it out will be good for me, and it will be nice to see Caz again, so its time to get moving.

3) That He/She thing. Ive probably gone on about this too much already, but when I'm referred to as he or him it's the one thing guaranteed to get me down in an instant. The fact that people don't generally mean it or even know that they have done it makes it worse for me. It just shows how difficult it will be for me to gain the deep seated acceptance I need....Right Jen. There is nothing to be gained from bemoaning the situation or blaming my height weight or voice. I need to change the things I can and accept those I can't. I really need to concentrate better on how I present myself to the world.

Anyway by the time I'd mulled over these 3 pressing issues I realised none of them would need resolving if I didn't concentrate on my driving, and ended up ploughing into the nearest, biggest lorry. Still 3 problems down, only about 30 to go!

Quiz Night (8) The Night of the Quizzing Dead

It was time for the non blondes very own Victoria to put us to the test, and boy did she do that, in the latest round of the terrifying Meakins Cricket Club Quiz

The first half was categorised. We started off with Cars All those Sunday evenings watching Top Gear should have paid dividends for Debs and me. We did ok, but missed a couple. Especially the question about the make of car that's name translated as 3 diamond. We could picture the badge with the 3 diamonds on, but skirted round all the Asian makes while missing the correct answer of Mitsubishi. We moved to a section of odd ones out, which saw a welcome 5th return for the mascot of our quiz, the worlds largest rodent. Ladies and, we give you the Capybara. Now onto sports. We usually do well on sports, but Vicky's somewhat wide definition of Sport ranging from Fly fishing to Canoe Polo (Not sure how you get a horse in a canoe!) did not help us. Her next section had answers that were occupations. We did well on this, helped by knowing a Bishop and a Carpenter from the soap Neighbours! Sadly neither of our jobs helped with answers being a Trade Unionist or Early Years Practitioner (don't' mention Classroom Assistant!). The first half ended with science. Now my claim to be a one time Physicist was looking increasingly foolish, as we managed none of the fist six questions. Thank god for the break. The scores were in. Campos 26, Muppets 27, 3 non Blondes 31 and Sixth Sense 32. It was too close to call. Being stuck on a slimming world Red Day (again) I watched as everyone gorged themselves on rolls and chips and cake and everything else I can't eat!

The second half was hard core general knowledge (and I mean hard!) We had a vast swathe of blank spaces where we should have known the definitions of words like; Ligneous, Esurient, Lambent, Tourbillion, Caprine & Gnallic. I felt as inarticulate as a....errr a thingy! We did start to improve. Debbie accurately calculated the number of Wednesdays in a December, and my blogging hero Dave Gorman provided the answer to "What is a Googlewhack". This blog also helped one team out with a previous post giving the name of the depressed robot in Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. Second half finished, we knew we had struggled. We needed a miracle on the throw outs. Well, I had said this was a macabre quiz. The first throwout was multi choice on Cereal Killers. Right up Debs street (I think she has dated a few in the past!). The second was the highlight of the whole quiz. 20 pictures of gravestones of famous dead people (My apologies to Yoko Ono, who I thought was. Apparently she is still alive) These were fiendish, requiring a degree of reduction. Some of the writing was very small, so a magnifying glass was passed round, making us all look very scholarly (and somewhat shortsighted). I would have expected Sixth Sense to do well, as the film said "They see dead people", but we managed to pip them with 12 out of 20. Sadly it was never going to rescue our second half.

Final scores : The Campanologists 57, The Muppets 64, 3 non Blondes 68 and back on top Sixth Sense 79

Highlight Questions

+ Which sports car is named after its low height, measured in inches?

+ In which sport do competitors take up the egg position?

+ Who wrote "Tropic of Capricorn" who's name is an occupation?

+ In computing, what does the acronym WORM come from?

+ What bird is also called the Goonie Bird?

+ What was the name of the woodpecker in Bagpuss?

+ Whose gravestone reads; 1929-1968 "Free at last. Free at last Thank God Almighty, I'm Free at last

Sixth Sense 8 wins, 3 non Blondes 4 wins, The Campanologists 1 win, The Muppets 0 wins