Well I suppose the title could be a good metaphor for most of my life, but this post is about more prosaic matters.
I have crumbled in the face of much urging and rejoined a local Slimming World Club (its not a typo slimming as in diet club). I first joined the club the same time last year for about 3 months and did pretty well. However my arrogance kicked in and I thought I could do without the club and save myself five quid a week, but I have just spent this year deluding myself that I was on a diet plan and pretty much failing. So now I am back on the diet club wagon. Me and an old friend Heather went along last Wednesday. Now before I used to just do the weigh in and then go, but Heather rightly wanted to stay for the meeting that followed. The meeting was taken by a tiredly chirpy lady called Vicky and involved her reading out the results of each member to either applause if they had lost, and brief sympathetic silence if they had put weight on, before they were probed softly about this week on the diet and how they were going to continue or improve the next. Each comment passed was complemented by knowing nods and mummers of agreement from around the room. Anyway whatever was said worked because I left the room enthused at the challenge ahead. I do have another motivating factor in that I will need to get down to a target weight of around 16 stone before I can have that crucial rewiring surgery, I need
I started to think that if I was going to make real progress towards my target then I need to add some meaningful exercise to my diet. The one form of exercise that I has worked for me in the past is swimming. Now going to the swimming baths is almost the Holy Grail of post transition passing. For 99.87% (always a stickler for accuracy) of my life now I don't really pay any thought to my gender identity or even worry if I pass or not (I have worked out that I now pass totally at a minimum distance of 7 m), but passing in public in a swimming costume!! well that will need some thought planning and a smidgen of courage. However once I had started to think about it I would have been disappointed to bottle out. So....yesterday I went out and bought my first ever swimming cossie. It was a struggle to find one as there are few shops that stock my size and most of the swim wear has been put back in the stock room to make room for Christmas party frocks. My new Costume is black (always a plus) fairly low cut with black and white print straps that go across the neckline. I have, after much deliberation included the pic right. Now my real worries on wearing a swimming costume in public are 7 fold:
- Clingy swimsuit material is never going to make me look anything but lumpy.
- Have my hormones given me some sort of passable shape
- Without a bra pushing my boobs up will they just disappear compared to my tummy.
- Any unwanted unsightly overlooked hairiness
- Can I find any makeup cover that can survive the dipping
- Duh duh duhhhh...Can what's left of my, shall we say, frontal furniture, be at all noticeable.
- I think 7 fold has a better ring than 6
Well I decided I needed some advice so yesterday afternoon I went around my closest friends and made them view a brief Miss World style Swimwear Round. Thankfully the general response is that I looked okish. In fact I looked kinda like a normal overweight woman, which although is not flattering in itself, is the look I was going for. Although from the pic on the right this swimsuit make me look miserable! The important thing is, that it was felt I be able to pass. To be honest I was surprised at the results. I have never really looked at my shape post hormones but my figure definitely has a degree of femininity about it. My fat deposits have tended to go south, and I would definitely be described as pear shaped (Actually more like a bag of pears shaped), but it is defiantly more female than male. The biggest concern was that the costume flattened my boobs, so I am debating whether I can secrete some form of bra support underneath. All that taken in I have committed myself to visiting the pool this week, and am genuinely excited at the prospect.